Signing my Life...

2006-01-26 : 2:21 a.m.

so...i have to decide if i'm going to act on an offer from a company before friday. and wow...it' shard to comprehend what the decision entails. with an internship, it was a matter of a few months and a few marks on a resume to follow me for a few years at most. this decision is HUGE. i really don't know how to handle it all...and that's just whether to say yes or no, not even concerning when i'll start.

at first, i thought it was going to be an easy decision to make, but the time i've had to think about it makes me wonder if i'm ready to move onto such a task. sure, i can handle about anything thrown at me, but the implications of the deal are what worries me.

• location - i'll be about 12 hours away from "home" by car, although my oldest brother lives nearby, which is awesome. aside from that, i'm going to be a ways away from home. in all honesty, i may not enjoy seeing my family for long periods of time, but i do enjoy seeing them some - at this distance, i'm going to become that uncle that was never around and people only talk about occassionally. the good thing about the area is that it isn't in the middle of nowhere. the crime, however, may suck...this is something that i think i'll have to deal with regardless of what big city i move into. the different living styles may bother me, but all change isn't bad...
• friends - leaving the nest of indiana will prove difficult in that i have to start anew. i will know less than a handful of people where i start working, and even then i don't know how well i will maintain my relationships with them. what will i find myself doing there? where am i going to hang out? where am i going to live? how many people my age will be there? holy crap...it is for this reason i want to live in indianapolis afterwards, but...alas, i know i won't be able to do that for a while. i can only hope that i will be able to find friends where i settle, although in truth i don't believe that will be much of a problem as much as it is a concern about my current friendships...
• career - do i even want to go into this industry? sure, i may like it now, but there's just this itch in me that says "holy crap, i'm going to do this to make a living...how is this possible?" where do i go from my first job? do i want to go business or industry? management or technical? do i want to go back to school? or do i just want to stop academia and move on in life to somethign else? it's these kinds of questions that worry me about a career. in my three years at rose, i've only found more questions to bother my mind with, leaving the largest question i've ever faced in my life: where am i going to go?

well, i have no idea if i'm going to be accepting my offer. right now, i'm thinking i will, but there's just this chance that something might trigger me to say no. all i can say is that DC is a far way away from my home and my friends. that's my biggest worry that i might not find in another job...

later...

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